To love another person is to see the face of God

Wow it's been a long time! Certainly this was not my intent. I just . . . ah, who even knows. So I'm back for now. Hopefully this time will be better.

I've been going through a lot of hard changes in my life this year, but they've been directly affecting other people and I'm a casualty of said hard changes (for the most part). I don't like it at all. I hate seeing people I love and who mean a lot to me going through so much pain. I don't like that I go through so much pain along with them. This rough wave has been hitting me pretty hard lately in terms of my perception. It's been getting pretty sour and I'm not going to lie, I'm not handling it altogether that well Prayer has been what gets me through these things.

One of the weirdest side effects is the fact that every time I go to church anymore I seem to cry. Or I feel like crying. I'm not sure what it is about church that gets my waterworks going but there it is. I've been making sure that when I go I can sit with family, Natalee, or Kristen. I don't always love going by myself, but I have in the past. Now I can't seem to do it. I wish I knew what the reason was because I'm fine everywhere else. Usually. Even at home I seem to do okay, for the most part. I can't say I'm loving this newfound sensitivity. Perhaps I'm literally crying out to God. I don't know, but I feel weird doing it. Not because I feel uncomfortable crying in church, but because it's all the time!

So here I sit, trying to make sense of my newest quirk. I can tell you that it's not endearing. It's awkward. I hoped seeing it typed out would help, but apparently it's not going to.

The title comes from the song "Confession" from Les Miserables, and it is perhaps my favorite line in the show.

The hills (mall) are alive with the sound of music

You probably cannot spot me, but I'm in the big crowd! :) It was a fun random thing to do on a Sunday in Reno . . . betcha wish you'd been there to watch or join in, huh? We also hit up the airport earlier in the afternoon.

I haven't seen a crocus or a rosebud

It's the beginning of my spring break. Wa-Hoo!!! However, I've been going over the schedule for the week. It is just as busy and filled as any other week. It's only devoid of mandatory work (though I intend to go in and gradegradegrade). I think if I ever slow down I would truly die. Like, that's the end of life as I know it, and no that's not a joke.

My show is next week. I'm enjoying it, but scared about how strong I am on my lines. Playing 14 roles. Transitions within the scenes that do not seem to be logical at all. However it is a powerful show. Despite all the controversy surrounding it I honestly think it's one that everyone who sees it will agree and disagree with various sections. I truly appreciate the cast. I laugh a lot and cause a lot of laughter as well. All in all, it's a good experience. I haven't done anything this heavy since . . . perhaps it's the heaviest play I've ever participated in. I can appreciate the love and ease of a comedy, but a drama touches the soul and is what can change lives.

I'm going prom dress shopping this week. Yes you read that correctly. I am going to be chaperoning this year's prom. At 30, I'm going to my first prom. The amusement I find myself noticing over this situation seems to know no end. Feel free to chuckle along with me.

The title of this post is lifted from the lyrics of "It Might as Well be Spring" from State Fair. I'm incredibly sick of our ridiculous weather we have here. I hate that we never have a spring. I hate that the weather teases me with a week of decent weather and then slams me with snow and freezing rain. Ugh. I miss Exeter. I really felt there was a magic in the spring there. Nevada SUCKS!!!!!!!!!

The sun has gone to bed and so must I

I can't promise how much better I'll be at blogging, but I think I'll already beat last year's pathetic attempt, or close to it with this one. I just kind of feel like writing.

I've decided that I am truly going to pursue my wish to teach overseas on army bases. I'm done working on a master's, still single, and (no offense) feeling a bit stagnant in Carson City. Why not? I have no idea what will happen, but I'm excited for the process. My first choice would be England which would be a two year commitment. How fantastic to live there for two years! I know God will do what He wants, and I'm certainly looking for that guidance. However He placed this thrill of travel in my spirit. I don't think it will be completely off base to attempt this adventure.

On another note, I'm still adjusting to this ridiculous time change. It seems worse this year, and I don't know why. I think my hatred of mornings grows with age. I'm finding that I am rolling out of bed later and later with each day. It seems pretty harsh.

I'm enjoying spending time with my friends in the reinstatement of Glee night. We're watching Flight of the Conchords and Firefly. I already knew I loved the former. I've never seen the latter before and the jury is still out on it. I'm told I have to give it a few episodes. One of the highlights is getting a chance to play with Eden, Warren and Nicole's daughter. She likes to pull my hair, play with my face, and talk with me. Hi-lar-ious!

I need to head off to bed to fight my battle with morning. Ugh. The title is probably one you've guessed. From "So Long, Farewell" from The Sound of Music. Good night John-Boy!

Granny dear, mother mine, old and gray at 29, not for the life of me!

I turn 30 on Saturday, and the funk has begun. I hate getting older. Truly, I loathe it. I didn't like it when I was a kid either, so it's not new. I don't know why I personally have always been youth obsessed, but apparently that's my schtick. Around Valentine's day is when it gets icky, and this year proved to follow in that very pattern. I mean, I'm grateful for the show I was a part of as it served to distract me (for the most part) from my glumness. I have been sick and without a regular voice for about 10 days now, which is certainly not helping the situation. That along with the fact that I've recently had a friendship change considerably, and not for the better of which I was acutely aware throughout the show, this year isn't a great one for perky optimism. I seriously believe I suffer from seasonal depressions, but not necessarily every year. It's not fun. I don't like falling into that abyss which eats at me and makes me feel like a failure with no direction in life. It's certainly not the worst case I've suffered, nor is it a mild case.

Anyway, I have been absent from this blog for quite awhile, but I think that the completion of grad classes will help. I've missed writing for this online journal.I highly doubt I have any readers and that is more than okay. That's not why I do this.

And now . . . for the one consistent . . . the birthday list!

30 movies I would highly recommend to others:

1) Gone With the Wind
2) Much Ado About Nothing
3) A&E's Pride and Prejudice
4) Dead Poet's Society
5) All About Eve
6) Anne of Green Gables
7) Singing in the Rain
8) That Thing You Do
9) The Reluctant Debutante
10) Newsies
11) Darby O'Gill and the Little People
12) Sleeping Beauty
13) Enchanted
14) Charade
15) Sense and Sensibility (Emma Thompson's script and acting)
16) You've Got Mail
17) White Christmas
18) Stranger than Fiction
19) Laura
20) Meet Me in St. Louis
21) Ballet Shoes
22) The Parent Trap(Haley Mills)
23) Mean Girls
24) Up
25) Gentleman's Agreement
26) What's Up Doc?
27) Return to Me
28) Waiting for Guffman
29) Across the Universe
30) The Muppets Take Manhatten

All movies I have enjoyed for a variety of reasons. I may be the only person who enjoys each of them as a list, but I do enjoy them. For some reason, this list was easier to write than the others! I have more to recommend, no doubt, but these certainly came to mind (and, in some cases, sight) today. I dare someone to watch them all and not find one they enjoy. Really. I DARE you! :)

The title of today's post was lifted from lyrics from the song "Not for the Life of Me" from Thoroughly Modern Millie.