Empty Chairs at Empty Tables

I've recently come into some bad news regarding school, and it has absolutely nothing to do with the economy. I've learned that two students I've had have died within the last few weeks. One I had while I taught at Opp. One I had up (literally) until last week.

Tlaloc came to Opp as a squirrely, but funny freshmen. He seemed to get along with most of the students, was not gang affiliated (at the time), and was the sort who I would laugh about after school because of the crazy things he'd say. The next year he came to school with a major chip on his shoulder. Something happened over the summer and it made him an angry, angsty kid. We eventually put him into afternoon school because of the problems he was creating. His behavior, when he came, was horrible. Finally it was decided mom or dad would come with him. It did not improve for anybody. Then the summer came and I moved onto CHS. Every now and then I'd hear about him. It sounded like he was getting better. On Friday, I learned he died. He was being chased on foot by the police in Reno and took a crazy leap (from what I understand) which took his life.

The other student died on Sunday--that's right, Mother's Day. He'd been missing a lot of school and finally withdrew so he could attend Adult Ed. and get his GED. From what I understand he had been really going off into the deep end with drugs and such. When he was coming pretty regularly he made me laugh. He had an enthusiasm and was a leader in my off-beat, close-knit Media class. He would volunteer to read the part of Steve when we read Walter Dean Myer's novel Monster. His story was odd. The detectives are still working out the bugs. He was shoved out of his car on the highway in Washoe on the way to Reno. It sounds like Rene was shot prior to being pushed out of the car. He died. A man pulled over to see if he could help since he thought the car had broken down--this man is the father of a student I had last year. The murderer shot him in the leg (which did some damage) and took off. He pulled off the highway as soon as he could and began taking off his clothes as the police pursued him. Not only that, but he was throwing money away in the field as well (quite a bit, too). They found him naked in the bushes. This is what I know, fact wise.

Emotionally-wise, I'm stunned. Truly, utterly stunned. Things like this happen in the movies. Not here. Not to people I know. Not to people whom I am so connected to. It's all anyone can talk about as new information is still coming out. I feel so, well, I don't know. I'm upset. I'm angry. I'm sympathetic. I'm scared. I'm concerned. I'm optimistic. I don't know what to do. I want to offer help in a practical way but I'm at a loss as to what to do. I want to be available to my students in every possible way. The surreal events have cast a gloom over the doors of our high school for many while others seem completely unaware of anything. I wish things like this could make sense right away. I'm sure that would help in the grieving process. Perhaps that's a part of it. The grieving process is relieved in the search for a higher purpose to such seemingly pointless violence that touches so many.

The lyrics are from the song with the same title from Les Miserables.

There was a time my feet were so solidly planted

Has it really been since October? Yikes! A quick recap of the last few months:

~My bank account was hacked into and cleared out. In December. Yeah, good timing. It finally all seems to be okay now, but it's really as of this week that that is completely the case.

~I submitted my ARP proposal in December. And heard that it was accepted last week. I begin working with the kids the week after next.

~I was teacher of the month in February. Make that Rookie teacher of the month (at the high school less than 5 years).

~I was nominated for and won the Albert Award for Best Actress of the year award for my performance as Ariel in The Tempest.

~I spent my 29th birthday at DISNEYLAND with my cousin Brad (whose in the navy) and my sister Janina. Twas a fun time had by moi!

~I was in a production of A Grand Night For Singing, and had a lovely time. I somehow think I was the only one who really did, but oh well.

~I'm rehearsing for a show called Laundry and Bourban which opens on Wednesday and plays Wednesday nights until the end of April.

~I visited Southern California for Thanksgiving and saw the majority of my relatives. I figured out that in 2008, I saw all but 4 of my cousins (out of 15), and one of my aunts (out of five) from my extended family. Yes, I saw five uncles, four grandparents, four aunts, 11 cousins, two sisters, one brother-in-law, and two nieces in the course of one year. Considering how spread out the family is now, that's quite a feat!

~I performed in Sweet Sounds and did a special number--"The Most Wonderful Time of the Year" for teachers. Natalee and I wrote the lyrics. Twas funny!

~I survived another round of Senior Project Teacher Drafts (only 48 this year!), and the majority of my students have passed now. HUZZAH!!!

~I've written 16 pages of my ARP paper so far.

Plus the every day, run-of-the-mill news, those are the biggies since October. I look over the list and wonder how it's possible.

And because I was so late, here's my birthday list:

29 things I'm proud of:

1) I am a hard worker.
2) I can memorize quickly.
3) Even working fulltime as an English teacher, and doing a play a semester (or so), I maintain As in my grad classes.
4) I can make my nieces laugh. Both of them.
5) I do not sit around waiting for life to happen--I MAKE it happen.
6) I have a wonderful circle of friends and family.
7) I have learned to love my own company. Perhaps too much, but I don't need others to entertain me.
8) I know a lot about areas that interest me.
9) I can surprise myself with my own abilities.
10) I a strong moral center which helps keep my life in check.
11) Many friends over the years have learned that I can be trusted with confidential feelings, news, etc. Even some acquaintances have learned this.
12) I have a healthy appreciation for classic literature.
13) I have been able to play some wonderful Shakespeare females in plays.
14) I love life! I find those who don't to be fairly bland people.
15) I can sing a variety of musical genres which I enjoy!
16) When I am in a play or show I can be counted on to be prepared and ready to go early on. In my high school theatre days, my director/teacher often would give me something new the last week of the show (lines, songs, etc.) when others would flake out on her.
17) I have a relationship with Jesus Christ.
18) While I am a picky eater, I do try to take risks when I eat new foods; I often surprise myself with how much I like.
19) I can have well-informed and insightful conversations about the show Lost.
20) I have the ability to touch the lives of adolescents 180 days of the year (at minimum!).
21) I have kept a journal since I was 12. They're pretty funny to look back on now.
22) I think the majority of people who know me have nice things to say about me.
23) I have built up a reputation for being good at theatre--to the point where people are asking me to be in shows, no audition required!
24) I try to improve upon my teaching every year.
25) I still get excited about teaching!
26) I'm a pretty good speller. A love of language strengthens this natural ability.
27) I have a fairly dependable job and tenure--that helps!
28) I have a unique name which I like.
29) I am comfortable with my life and where I am.

The title comes from the song "Back to Before" from Ragtime. Phenomenal song. Particularly when sung by Marin Mazzie. What a talented woman!