I'm so weary of applications. I'm tired of waiting. I'm sick of drooling over school district websites at the hint of any English positions. In short, I'm sick of unemployment! Ugh. The Pau-Wa-Lu Middle School, I should know next week whether or not I'm moving forward in the interview process (it's taken longer than the principal anticipated). I've filled out information. I've had to reveal my g.p.a.'s from high school, college, and those of my parents and grandparents, and . . . I've written essays. I've gathered transcripts, letters of intent, resumes, letters of recommendation, test scores, etc. I'm so ready to be done with this crap. Why doesn't some infinitely wealthy person decide to set me up for life, knowing that I'd be responsible with the money? I would continue to work, but just doing stuff I always have wanted to do. Teach. Be an actress, singer, travel agent, historian, author, etc.
So, let's see . . . oh! Here's a bit of possible excitement. I found out through Juliana (Belle) something that I may be VERY keen on. She's going to AMDA in August (the American Musical and Dramatic Academy in NYC), but she's kept tabs on this area theatre-wise. I'm going to e-mail the guy and find out more, but apparently someone is trying to do Les Miserables here! In December. I would love to do it, but with Taming of the Shrew being in August, Crazy For You in late September/early October, The Last Five Years in October (Chris is doing it; I'd love to help seeing as that show is AWESOME!), and Fiddler on the Roof in November, I don't know how feasible this is. Like I said, I'll learn more.
And, since I've been in this mopey, emotionally icky phase of late, I'm trying to remain upbeat and positive. One way to do this is to thank friends who have stood out in significant ways to me lately.
*Diane, Crissi, Chris S., Linda, Don--Each of these people attend my church. Each of them touched me in some way this weekend at or after the service. The teaching this week really hit home, and I was blubbering by the end. A dam broke, and I could not regain control. It was pretty bad. Diane and Crissi prayed and talked with me in very encouraging ways. Crissi didn't seem to notice my party-pooper attitude at her surprise birthday party on Friday. Chris and Linda both reached out to me in their own unique ways. Don was just . . . Don. I love each of these people. I am so fortunate to attend a church with people like them in the congregation!
*Stephanie--She's willing to spend long periods of time either talking to me or IMing me. She's even willing to make the both of us laugh, despite her cold which makes it painful to do so. She's also willing to be patient with me as we slowly evolve this plan to visit Merci in Utah soon.
*Leoney--For being my 4th Lucentio, but being the one who will stick it out! Thanks, buddy! He's also encouraging me a lot. It means a lot to me, fraternal initial twin!
*Kelly--Loved your postcard! I adore getting "real mail" and it was fun to get a snippet of what was going on in you life then!
*Esther--Who keeps trying to entice me to move to Boston to be her roommate through postcards. The poem was hysterical, and my immense jealousy at her being so close to PEI recently has made me really consider taking the plunge and being a travel companion.
*Chris W.--Always encouraging, positive, and supportive of me. For being okay with me drenching your shoulder with my tears. For making me laugh and feel good about myself. For always telling me the truth, even when it sucks. For listening to the truth, even when it sucks. For spending time with me. For reading with me. For never losing faith in me.
*God--For sending me rough patches that force me to grow spiritually, emotionally, in character, and in maturity. For giving me so many amazing friends; I know I'm blessed and don't deserve them. For allowing me to lean on Him any time of the day or night. For reassuring me that I will be taken care of. For loving me, unconditionally. For comforting me.
Now that I'm done with sounding like a book dedication, I shall reveal what you're all dying to know. The title of this post comes from the song "How to Succeed" from the musical How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying.
June 29, 2005
June 21, 2005
Summertime and the livin' is easy
Mmmm . . . I felt so drained from school, that last week's relaxing has thoroughly refreshed me. Unfortunately it cannot last, but for now . . . mmmm. I love taking walks. Reading. Napping. Not worrying about school.
Although I had to go in and do yearbook stuff in addition to my cleaning the classroom. That's all done, though! Woo-hoo pour moi!
I've got all of my stuff turned in to both the Carson City School District and the Douglas County School District. Yup, I'm going public, baby! To be paid more (provided I get a job) would be a wonderful thing indeed. To recieve benefits would be a wonder beyond imagination. To get paid extra for extracurricular activites would be divine.
And, I've got a good lead! Last week, I got a voicemail from the principal at Pau-Wa-Lu Middle School in Minden! She pulled my application out from their files (I applied to the district when I first moved here) and apparently liked what she saw. Her Drama teacher is leaving, and so she screened the applications, choosing 3 candidates for the position--and I was one of them! I went to the school yesterday and they interviewed me then (though I wasn't expecting it!). The current drama teacher showed me around the stage briefly as well as the classroom. I'll find out at the end of the week whether or not I'll move on in the interview process. I feel okay about how I did. I'm hoping I did well. I don't feel like I loused anything up, though. The interview itself lasted about an hour and a half or so. I was there for 2 hours. They also may need me to teach summer school this year. We shall see . . . I must say, I hope it works out, though.
So that is all that is happening in my life to date. Lovely laziness. Interviews. Shrew rehearsals. My internet being the slowest, most frustrating thing ever since I came back from the Jesse's. It took me 20 minutes to find out I had no e-mails the other day. Urgh!
The title of this post comes from the song "Summertime" from the only opera the Gershwin brothers wrote, Porgy and Bess.
Although I had to go in and do yearbook stuff in addition to my cleaning the classroom. That's all done, though! Woo-hoo pour moi!
I've got all of my stuff turned in to both the Carson City School District and the Douglas County School District. Yup, I'm going public, baby! To be paid more (provided I get a job) would be a wonderful thing indeed. To recieve benefits would be a wonder beyond imagination. To get paid extra for extracurricular activites would be divine.
And, I've got a good lead! Last week, I got a voicemail from the principal at Pau-Wa-Lu Middle School in Minden! She pulled my application out from their files (I applied to the district when I first moved here) and apparently liked what she saw. Her Drama teacher is leaving, and so she screened the applications, choosing 3 candidates for the position--and I was one of them! I went to the school yesterday and they interviewed me then (though I wasn't expecting it!). The current drama teacher showed me around the stage briefly as well as the classroom. I'll find out at the end of the week whether or not I'll move on in the interview process. I feel okay about how I did. I'm hoping I did well. I don't feel like I loused anything up, though. The interview itself lasted about an hour and a half or so. I was there for 2 hours. They also may need me to teach summer school this year. We shall see . . . I must say, I hope it works out, though.
So that is all that is happening in my life to date. Lovely laziness. Interviews. Shrew rehearsals. My internet being the slowest, most frustrating thing ever since I came back from the Jesse's. It took me 20 minutes to find out I had no e-mails the other day. Urgh!
The title of this post comes from the song "Summertime" from the only opera the Gershwin brothers wrote, Porgy and Bess.
June 13, 2005
525,000 moments so dear . . .
So, school, graduation, etc. are all done. Huh. I have just finished cleaning my junior high classroom. I think I'm saving my high school classroom for tomorrow. My tub has run out of room. And then, my career as a teacher at CCS is over. Wow. Who would've thought.
It was wonderful, I admit, to have a weekend where I had no grading, lesson planning, ANYTHING to do which was related to school. I got to play instead! I saw Butterflies are Free at the BAC. I went to Hana's graduation. I went to Barnes and Noble. I watched movies. I cleaned my room some. I cleaned up the Jesse's house prior to leaving (there wasn't much to do outside of vacuuming Toulle's hair). I slept in--gratefully! I began to reread The Magician's Nephew (I've decided to reread the entire Chronicles of Narnia this summer as it's been years since I've read any of them and do love them. I started with this one, because even C.S. Lewis himself recommended doing so.).
Oh, so the two people who wanted to be interviewed have put up their answers to my questions. If you'd like to read them, here's where you'll find them. Leoney is at http://damonkeyprince.blogspot.com/. His answers are under the post titled "Thanks Lynette". Kelly also rose to the challenge. Her blog is http://rohanrider331.blogspot.com/. The post is called Interview (by Lynette). It certainly was interesting for me to read these answers of these two wonderful friends o' mine. I like getting to know more about people. People fascinate me, and I love knowing as much as I can about anything. Call me a nerd if you will, I fully admit to being so. And guess what? I also like it! So there!
I didn't cry at graduation this year, but I did afterward. It was hard to say goodbye to my students. I actually made some of them cry! Nubia hugged me for approximately 3 full minutes, even when I was encouraging her and making her laugh at the same time. Before I announced the awards for 8th grade (my homeroom this year), I had to say something about them. I said something to the effect of "This class has really been the most interesting I've ever encountered. They've challenged me, frustrated me, and made me laugh on a daily basis. I thank God for each of them, and I know He's given them all so much potential. I'm excited to see what they do for they are all very talented. I truly love each of them." After I said the last part, I looked over at them. Many of them were tearing up and all of them said a collective "Awww!" Tess said I was the only reason she cried throughout the entire ceremony. Ashlee N., the valedictorian, gave a great speech. I have to admit I felt tears welling up as she spoke, because I am so proud of that girl. Also because she devoted a huge chunk of the speech to praising me! Apparently I've had a huge impact in her life.
I often wonder what impression I leave these students with. Will my having been a teacher stay with them? Will they look back fondly? Will they be grateful to never have me again? Was I truly effective in my teaching methods? Did I inspire them? Did I teach them anything valuable about life? How will the remember me 15 years from now?
This title comes from the song "Seasons of Love," from the show Rent. Honestly, I'm not overly fond of this show, and think the song is a bit overdone. But it seemed appropriate for this post.
It was wonderful, I admit, to have a weekend where I had no grading, lesson planning, ANYTHING to do which was related to school. I got to play instead! I saw Butterflies are Free at the BAC. I went to Hana's graduation. I went to Barnes and Noble. I watched movies. I cleaned my room some. I cleaned up the Jesse's house prior to leaving (there wasn't much to do outside of vacuuming Toulle's hair). I slept in--gratefully! I began to reread The Magician's Nephew (I've decided to reread the entire Chronicles of Narnia this summer as it's been years since I've read any of them and do love them. I started with this one, because even C.S. Lewis himself recommended doing so.).
Oh, so the two people who wanted to be interviewed have put up their answers to my questions. If you'd like to read them, here's where you'll find them. Leoney is at http://damonkeyprince.blogspot.com/. His answers are under the post titled "Thanks Lynette". Kelly also rose to the challenge. Her blog is http://rohanrider331.blogspot.com/. The post is called Interview (by Lynette). It certainly was interesting for me to read these answers of these two wonderful friends o' mine. I like getting to know more about people. People fascinate me, and I love knowing as much as I can about anything. Call me a nerd if you will, I fully admit to being so. And guess what? I also like it! So there!
I didn't cry at graduation this year, but I did afterward. It was hard to say goodbye to my students. I actually made some of them cry! Nubia hugged me for approximately 3 full minutes, even when I was encouraging her and making her laugh at the same time. Before I announced the awards for 8th grade (my homeroom this year), I had to say something about them. I said something to the effect of "This class has really been the most interesting I've ever encountered. They've challenged me, frustrated me, and made me laugh on a daily basis. I thank God for each of them, and I know He's given them all so much potential. I'm excited to see what they do for they are all very talented. I truly love each of them." After I said the last part, I looked over at them. Many of them were tearing up and all of them said a collective "Awww!" Tess said I was the only reason she cried throughout the entire ceremony. Ashlee N., the valedictorian, gave a great speech. I have to admit I felt tears welling up as she spoke, because I am so proud of that girl. Also because she devoted a huge chunk of the speech to praising me! Apparently I've had a huge impact in her life.
I often wonder what impression I leave these students with. Will my having been a teacher stay with them? Will they look back fondly? Will they be grateful to never have me again? Was I truly effective in my teaching methods? Did I inspire them? Did I teach them anything valuable about life? How will the remember me 15 years from now?
This title comes from the song "Seasons of Love," from the show Rent. Honestly, I'm not overly fond of this show, and think the song is a bit overdone. But it seemed appropriate for this post.
June 08, 2005
How does he feel? You ask how he feels?
I got this last night, and decided to do nothing with it until I completed my grading. Guess what? It's done!!!!!!!!!!!! I NEVER have to grade another thing from the 2004-2005 school year! What a relief!
Anyway, I read it on Steph's blog (http://creaturebug.typepad.com/) and thought it sounded fun! I met Steph and Sydney (the adorable baby on the banner of the blog) when I went to Oregon over Christmas Break. It's always fun to meet people you know you'll instantly like. I'd heard about Steph so much through Dev in college. I began to follow her blogging adventures. She's a former English teacher, loves theatre, and has red hair as well. Three things I've found to be very endearing in anybody! :)
So, here I go!
1. What personal flaw do you detest in others? And why?
There are a few that always seem to drive me nuts. One of the most detestable qualities I've found in people is narrow-mindedness. I hate it!!! It leads to intolerence, hate crimes, insensitivity, limited education and so many horrible things. I do not think that a person should be so broad-minded that absolutely everything can be found acceptable. Either extreme shows a lack of intelligence; narrow-mindedness shows too much stubborness, and extreme broad-mindedness shows a lack of strength to have convictions. I do think that a person should be able to listen maturely to a well presented side (whether or not he or she agrees) and form an opinion based on beliefs mixed with a little experience and study. This educated approach is much worthier of my respect.
2. What's your dream Broadway musical role (currently running or not)? Why?
If I were Tony, I guess I'd have 200+ since he has a dream role for every show. But I'm not Tony, nor do I wish to be so. There are roles I'd like to play (like Tzeitel). There are roles I'd love to play (like Anna Lenowens in The King and I). But, I'd say I have very few dream roles. One that stands out to me at the moment would have to be Eponine in Les Miserables. I love her songs. I love her emotion. I love her spunk. I love her selflessness. I love that she's a good person, in spite of having dreadful drips for parents. I love her story and feel as though I can truly identify with her. I even like her costume! I'm all about the roles which require some acting in addition to the singing! :)
3. If you were a mean-spirited gal (which I know you're not) what's the most annoying song you could project into the mind of an enemy? A sample of the lyrics or description of the music would be helpful.
Oooh, I thought about this one! I came up with many torturous songs to play incessently into the minds of an enemy. Believe me, the list was long and amusing to myself. I chose one that may come as a shock, because I know people love this song. I, personally, have a bad history with it and cannot stand it. Are you ready? "Memory" from CATS. I know that initially, it's a beautiful melody. Played over and over by someone who loves it makes it obnoxious. Many singers whine their way through it (ahemSTREISANDahem). There is also the added malicious pleasure I'll get out of the fact that this song can be pretty depressing. Hope doesn't come until the end. The character is pining over a life that they no longer live and cannot get back. (Mwa-ha-ha-ha!)
4. Describe to me your happiest childhood memory.
I was blessed to actually have a fairly happy childhood, so there are (once again) a plethora to choose from. I would have to say that our family reunions on the Smith side were amazing. I would literally look forward to them all year long. It was the one time during the year that I knew each of us cousins would get to play together. We would usually camp for about a week. These weeks would consist of card games, laughing around a campfire and sharing stories, singing, hiking, reading, treasure hunts, riding in the back of a truck with all of my cousins in the back with me as warm summer winds would cool our sunburnt faces, sleeping in tents with cousins, jokes, clubs, swimming, meeting literally every kid in the various campsites we were at and making friends, goofy pictures, watermelons, plastic ants (family joke), and all around fun. We would pick a place nearby and go exploring. We would visit local attractions. I remember always feeling safe and happy. The rules were a little more relaxed, so we took full advantage of it! We still have them, but they're not the same. I lived for these days. When people would ask what I was doing for the summer, or what I was looking forward to, my response never wavered: "My family reunion! I get to spend a WEEK with everyone--Rachel, and Charlie, and Shane, and my Aunt Denise, and . . . "
5. What superpower would you love to possess?
To be a shapeshifter, like Puck! It would be fabulous to be able to change your form anytime you wanted to. Plus, you could get really creative with this one! :)
and because I'm curious -- 6. What non-religious book do you think everybody should read?
Tough! I do think that To Kill a Mockingbird is worthy of everybody's time. It just encompasses so much! Mystery, adventure, noble characters, history, humor, drama . . . It's a great story, and a fun read!
Okay, so there it is! If anyone else thinks this looks fun, leave a comment (or e-mail me since only 5 comments can be left on blogger). Oh, and here are the "official rules" of the game:
The Official Interview Game Rules
1. If you want to participate, leave a comment saying "interview me."
2. I will respond by asking you five questions - each person's will be different.
3. You will update your journal/blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview othersin the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.
This title comes from "Healthy, Normal American Boy" from Bye Bye Birdie. It's the part where Rosie and Albert are answering all of the interview questions for Conrad Birdie prior to his departure for Sweet Apple, OH. A very funny song, btw.
Anyway, I read it on Steph's blog (http://creaturebug.typepad.com/) and thought it sounded fun! I met Steph and Sydney (the adorable baby on the banner of the blog) when I went to Oregon over Christmas Break. It's always fun to meet people you know you'll instantly like. I'd heard about Steph so much through Dev in college. I began to follow her blogging adventures. She's a former English teacher, loves theatre, and has red hair as well. Three things I've found to be very endearing in anybody! :)
So, here I go!
1. What personal flaw do you detest in others? And why?
There are a few that always seem to drive me nuts. One of the most detestable qualities I've found in people is narrow-mindedness. I hate it!!! It leads to intolerence, hate crimes, insensitivity, limited education and so many horrible things. I do not think that a person should be so broad-minded that absolutely everything can be found acceptable. Either extreme shows a lack of intelligence; narrow-mindedness shows too much stubborness, and extreme broad-mindedness shows a lack of strength to have convictions. I do think that a person should be able to listen maturely to a well presented side (whether or not he or she agrees) and form an opinion based on beliefs mixed with a little experience and study. This educated approach is much worthier of my respect.
2. What's your dream Broadway musical role (currently running or not)? Why?
If I were Tony, I guess I'd have 200+ since he has a dream role for every show. But I'm not Tony, nor do I wish to be so. There are roles I'd like to play (like Tzeitel). There are roles I'd love to play (like Anna Lenowens in The King and I). But, I'd say I have very few dream roles. One that stands out to me at the moment would have to be Eponine in Les Miserables. I love her songs. I love her emotion. I love her spunk. I love her selflessness. I love that she's a good person, in spite of having dreadful drips for parents. I love her story and feel as though I can truly identify with her. I even like her costume! I'm all about the roles which require some acting in addition to the singing! :)
3. If you were a mean-spirited gal (which I know you're not) what's the most annoying song you could project into the mind of an enemy? A sample of the lyrics or description of the music would be helpful.
Oooh, I thought about this one! I came up with many torturous songs to play incessently into the minds of an enemy. Believe me, the list was long and amusing to myself. I chose one that may come as a shock, because I know people love this song. I, personally, have a bad history with it and cannot stand it. Are you ready? "Memory" from CATS. I know that initially, it's a beautiful melody. Played over and over by someone who loves it makes it obnoxious. Many singers whine their way through it (ahemSTREISANDahem). There is also the added malicious pleasure I'll get out of the fact that this song can be pretty depressing. Hope doesn't come until the end. The character is pining over a life that they no longer live and cannot get back. (Mwa-ha-ha-ha!)
4. Describe to me your happiest childhood memory.
I was blessed to actually have a fairly happy childhood, so there are (once again) a plethora to choose from. I would have to say that our family reunions on the Smith side were amazing. I would literally look forward to them all year long. It was the one time during the year that I knew each of us cousins would get to play together. We would usually camp for about a week. These weeks would consist of card games, laughing around a campfire and sharing stories, singing, hiking, reading, treasure hunts, riding in the back of a truck with all of my cousins in the back with me as warm summer winds would cool our sunburnt faces, sleeping in tents with cousins, jokes, clubs, swimming, meeting literally every kid in the various campsites we were at and making friends, goofy pictures, watermelons, plastic ants (family joke), and all around fun. We would pick a place nearby and go exploring. We would visit local attractions. I remember always feeling safe and happy. The rules were a little more relaxed, so we took full advantage of it! We still have them, but they're not the same. I lived for these days. When people would ask what I was doing for the summer, or what I was looking forward to, my response never wavered: "My family reunion! I get to spend a WEEK with everyone--Rachel, and Charlie, and Shane, and my Aunt Denise, and . . . "
5. What superpower would you love to possess?
To be a shapeshifter, like Puck! It would be fabulous to be able to change your form anytime you wanted to. Plus, you could get really creative with this one! :)
and because I'm curious -- 6. What non-religious book do you think everybody should read?
Tough! I do think that To Kill a Mockingbird is worthy of everybody's time. It just encompasses so much! Mystery, adventure, noble characters, history, humor, drama . . . It's a great story, and a fun read!
Okay, so there it is! If anyone else thinks this looks fun, leave a comment (or e-mail me since only 5 comments can be left on blogger). Oh, and here are the "official rules" of the game:
The Official Interview Game Rules
1. If you want to participate, leave a comment saying "interview me."
2. I will respond by asking you five questions - each person's will be different.
3. You will update your journal/blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview othersin the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.
This title comes from "Healthy, Normal American Boy" from Bye Bye Birdie. It's the part where Rosie and Albert are answering all of the interview questions for Conrad Birdie prior to his departure for Sweet Apple, OH. A very funny song, btw.
June 05, 2005
Who can tell what's waiting on the journey?
So, I am at an interesting crossroads in my life.
In two weeks, I have a life-changing event starting. Many people would love to know when they're coming. I guess I am. I have no idea what to do with it. I'm scared. I'm excited. I'm nervous. I'm curious. I'm indifferent. I'm dying to know what will happen. It seems . . . surreal.
This is the fourth time in my life I have been utterly clueless as to the next phase of my life. In a way, this one is more intimidating than the other two times. At least I knew some of the big things would not change.
For instance: When we moved to Colorado. I knew my life was going to change drastically. After all, I'd started Kindergarten with my class, and I felt like my life was shaping into what I'd always wanted it to be. I had great friends. I was good friends with the older "popular" kids (which made me cooler, because they willingly talked to a lowly Freshmen). I was in the elite choir, even though I'd never been in any choir before. I was the only Freshmen in the Fall play. My teachers all liked me, and I had stellar grades. When we moved, I knew that school would continue. I may have to work hard to prove myself in the singing or acting areas, but I was willing to take up the challenge. I knew that whatever church we attended would become part of my family. I could trust my family.
The second time came 5 years later. Once again, Lynette felt like her life was evolving into what she wanted it to be. I was in college! I was sought out to be a reporter for the school paper! I was a peer counselor! I had great friends! I was in a great choir! I changed my major to what I'd wanted it to be from the beginning, but was too self-doubting to believe I could do! I was taking French (I love the language) and was even helping people with homework and being praised for my pronunciation! Then, one phone call seemed to tear my life from the anchored rock it had always known. I felt disappointed, scared, confused, angry and a blend of all deep horrible emotions. I've never cried more in my life than those 2 years. And that's saying something. I knew I could count on my friends. I could count on my parents. I could count on my professors. School would continue.
My third encounter with this feeling happened after yet another great time in my life. My senior year(s) (1 1/2 yrs) of college was, to date, the best of my life. I went to England and studied. I had great parts in the shows. I finished my bloody Senior Project, and Dr. Bennett had said that mine was the best presentation of the evening (even in my costume for Meg in Brigadoon--try having anyone take you seriously in that get-up!). I'd sung in the Northwesteners choir and had truly (to my surprise) thoroughly enjoyed myself. As an R.A., I had the best wing ever (love ya Dev!). I'd been given many awesome opportunities which made my year so rich. Student Teaching showed me how I could teach, and that I truly loved my career choice. I had to come home to an unknown future, and live with my parents again. I had no friends in Nevada. To go from "Miss NNU Socialite" to "Miss Nevada Nobody" was a VERY difficult transition. But, I could count on my family. I was taking my correspondance class through BYU and loving it (Well, with the exception of Henry Fielding's Joseph Andrews. I don't think I've ever had a more painful reading experience). I had things I could count on.
In two weeks, I am no longer a teacher at my school. I have no idea what is coming next. Do I want to continue teaching? Do I want to try something new? Do I have what it takes to actually be successful as a careerwoman anywhere else? Who is going to take me seriously? What if I have to move? What if I try and fail miserably at several jobs? Who wants to hire a former English teacher? I feel so inadequate when I consider any other type of job, because everything I've done has geared me for this. There are amazing teachers out there. There are amazing English teachers out there. I do not classify myself in either of these categories. I am better, after two years, but that's not enough to recommend me, is it?
I wish I could be a person who has her life completely together, and has confidence in that. Self-doubt is a terrible thing. I know that God will take care of me, but lately I feel like I've been slacking on my part of the relationship, so why would He want to honor this promise to provide? I know, I know. That's not the way God works. As a human, that's how I see others operating, and it can be hard to think that God is a "bigger person" than that--even when I KNOW it to be true. I've seen it many times; even in my own life. I know that doubting God is a sin, and that Satan uses whatever he can to make me do this. I try to ignore it, but it's tough. Sigh.
Does this rambling make any sense to anybody but me? I'm sorry if it doesn't. It's just been on my brain a lot lately, and I wanted to get it out there. Maybe someone else needs to read this, I don't know. I just don't know.
Well, the title of this post comes from the song "Into the Woods" from Into the Woods.
In two weeks, I have a life-changing event starting. Many people would love to know when they're coming. I guess I am. I have no idea what to do with it. I'm scared. I'm excited. I'm nervous. I'm curious. I'm indifferent. I'm dying to know what will happen. It seems . . . surreal.
This is the fourth time in my life I have been utterly clueless as to the next phase of my life. In a way, this one is more intimidating than the other two times. At least I knew some of the big things would not change.
For instance: When we moved to Colorado. I knew my life was going to change drastically. After all, I'd started Kindergarten with my class, and I felt like my life was shaping into what I'd always wanted it to be. I had great friends. I was good friends with the older "popular" kids (which made me cooler, because they willingly talked to a lowly Freshmen). I was in the elite choir, even though I'd never been in any choir before. I was the only Freshmen in the Fall play. My teachers all liked me, and I had stellar grades. When we moved, I knew that school would continue. I may have to work hard to prove myself in the singing or acting areas, but I was willing to take up the challenge. I knew that whatever church we attended would become part of my family. I could trust my family.
The second time came 5 years later. Once again, Lynette felt like her life was evolving into what she wanted it to be. I was in college! I was sought out to be a reporter for the school paper! I was a peer counselor! I had great friends! I was in a great choir! I changed my major to what I'd wanted it to be from the beginning, but was too self-doubting to believe I could do! I was taking French (I love the language) and was even helping people with homework and being praised for my pronunciation! Then, one phone call seemed to tear my life from the anchored rock it had always known. I felt disappointed, scared, confused, angry and a blend of all deep horrible emotions. I've never cried more in my life than those 2 years. And that's saying something. I knew I could count on my friends. I could count on my parents. I could count on my professors. School would continue.
My third encounter with this feeling happened after yet another great time in my life. My senior year(s) (1 1/2 yrs) of college was, to date, the best of my life. I went to England and studied. I had great parts in the shows. I finished my bloody Senior Project, and Dr. Bennett had said that mine was the best presentation of the evening (even in my costume for Meg in Brigadoon--try having anyone take you seriously in that get-up!). I'd sung in the Northwesteners choir and had truly (to my surprise) thoroughly enjoyed myself. As an R.A., I had the best wing ever (love ya Dev!). I'd been given many awesome opportunities which made my year so rich. Student Teaching showed me how I could teach, and that I truly loved my career choice. I had to come home to an unknown future, and live with my parents again. I had no friends in Nevada. To go from "Miss NNU Socialite" to "Miss Nevada Nobody" was a VERY difficult transition. But, I could count on my family. I was taking my correspondance class through BYU and loving it (Well, with the exception of Henry Fielding's Joseph Andrews. I don't think I've ever had a more painful reading experience). I had things I could count on.
In two weeks, I am no longer a teacher at my school. I have no idea what is coming next. Do I want to continue teaching? Do I want to try something new? Do I have what it takes to actually be successful as a careerwoman anywhere else? Who is going to take me seriously? What if I have to move? What if I try and fail miserably at several jobs? Who wants to hire a former English teacher? I feel so inadequate when I consider any other type of job, because everything I've done has geared me for this. There are amazing teachers out there. There are amazing English teachers out there. I do not classify myself in either of these categories. I am better, after two years, but that's not enough to recommend me, is it?
I wish I could be a person who has her life completely together, and has confidence in that. Self-doubt is a terrible thing. I know that God will take care of me, but lately I feel like I've been slacking on my part of the relationship, so why would He want to honor this promise to provide? I know, I know. That's not the way God works. As a human, that's how I see others operating, and it can be hard to think that God is a "bigger person" than that--even when I KNOW it to be true. I've seen it many times; even in my own life. I know that doubting God is a sin, and that Satan uses whatever he can to make me do this. I try to ignore it, but it's tough. Sigh.
Does this rambling make any sense to anybody but me? I'm sorry if it doesn't. It's just been on my brain a lot lately, and I wanted to get it out there. Maybe someone else needs to read this, I don't know. I just don't know.
Well, the title of this post comes from the song "Into the Woods" from Into the Woods.
June 03, 2005
Let me give you the lowdown . . .
Check it out! Click on "Audition Results" for both shows. If you really want to know.
http://www.wncc.edu/performing_arts/
Oh, and Peter-Pedro is Motel. He calls me Ariel (It's the hair and my backstage entertaining of the children in Carousel). Anyway, he works at Starbucks. Today I went there on my way to work, and he was working drive-through. He drew an Ariel on my Chai, and wrote "Ariel" and "The Little Mermaid" on my cup. It made my morning!
This title is from the song "Crazy for You" which is used in Crazy for You.
http://www.wncc.edu/performing_arts/
Oh, and Peter-Pedro is Motel. He calls me Ariel (It's the hair and my backstage entertaining of the children in Carousel). Anyway, he works at Starbucks. Today I went there on my way to work, and he was working drive-through. He drew an Ariel on my Chai, and wrote "Ariel" and "The Little Mermaid" on my cup. It made my morning!
This title is from the song "Crazy for You" which is used in Crazy for You.
Agony!!!!!!!!
Last night, I felt like I did a fairly kick butt job at callbacks. I read about three times for Tzeitel, which was more than anyone else. Yeah! I also had them cracking up with the part I had to sing from "Matchmaker." It was the imitation of Yente part. I actually got applause (when people usually wait for the whole group to finish individual things). HUZZAH!!!!!!!!!
After I read and sang for Tzeitel, they had the Hodels go up and sing. They hadn't called me back for it, but asked me to sing for her anyway. If I got Hodel, that would be oh so very awesome. She would be the most fun sister to play. She's spunky, smart, and sings more than the others. When they were putting us into families (Tevye and daughters), I was with some people I think they were looking at pretty seriously. Hmmmmm . . .
So, why the agony? They're supposed to post the results. This morning. They haven't. It's 5 minutes to noon. If it's not up in 5 minutes, they've LIED!!!!!!!! I actally still don't care what I get, I just want the suspense to be over. I'm still not overly passionate about any role. Anything would be fun.
The title is from the song "Agony" which is from Into the Woods.
After I read and sang for Tzeitel, they had the Hodels go up and sing. They hadn't called me back for it, but asked me to sing for her anyway. If I got Hodel, that would be oh so very awesome. She would be the most fun sister to play. She's spunky, smart, and sings more than the others. When they were putting us into families (Tevye and daughters), I was with some people I think they were looking at pretty seriously. Hmmmmm . . .
So, why the agony? They're supposed to post the results. This morning. They haven't. It's 5 minutes to noon. If it's not up in 5 minutes, they've LIED!!!!!!!! I actally still don't care what I get, I just want the suspense to be over. I'm still not overly passionate about any role. Anything would be fun.
The title is from the song "Agony" which is from Into the Woods.
June 02, 2005
I Won't Dance; Don't Ask Me!
Do you ever have those days where people just irritate you to no end? Not even specific people, but people in general? Today is one of those days for me. I don't mind being around those whose company I genuinely enjoy, but on days like this I realize just how small that group is. It is. Today, there's only been one person so far that I've even remotely enjoyed talking to, and that is Nancy, one of our Kindergarten teachers. Out of all my dealings with students and times with teachers today, she's the only one I can say I haven't been irritated by. I don't like feeling this way. Patience is at the top of my prayer list today, and so far I don't think I've been unreasonable (though I am biased) so I think God is honoring my desire.
Anyway, last night. Ugh. Callbacks started at 6. I got home around 10. The first thing we did was the dance audition. Lynette doesn't tap. The last time she did was in Anything Goes, which was exactly ten years ago. Yup, been awhile. The dance audition took about 2 hours. I think I moved at the right times, if that says anything. "Ball change, slide, pas das res, lean. Ball change, slide, pas das res, lean.Chaussey, chaussey, pivot, pivot. Chaussey round 1-2-3-4-5 out, out, in. Falep, falep, falep, falep, heel, heel. Falep, falep, falep, falep, heel, heel. Falep, falep, heel, heel. Falep, falep, heel, heel. Falep 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8, heel, heel. Falep 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-2-2-3-4-5-6-7 heel, heel. Step, ball change, step, ball change, step! Paddle, paddle, paddle, step clap, step, clap! Falep, falep, falep, step, clap, step, clap! Paddle in, out, in, out, all the way around 1-2-3-4! Out, falep, out, and up with the hands!!!!!!!!!" Thank you, Gina. (I think I spelled things correctly). Doing this, in general was difficult. Doing it in time with the "I've Got Rhythm" number from the Crazy for You CD was hellish. Then, I had to dance romantically with Chris Withey (my drunken "Gaston" partner). "Chaussey in and out. Two chausseys to the other side! Turn under, waltz for 8 counts, promenade around, ball change, shuffle hop, ball change, shuffle, hop and lean!" This one was easier, and we did it to "But Not for Me." It was actually kind of soothing compared to the madness from before.
Oh, and did I mention that I had missed some instructions from the auditions? Yeah, apparently they said it after I left. Each girl was to wear black fishnets, black leotard, and character shoes. That's all for the dance audition! I was wearing my character shoes, luckily, but that was all of the ensemble. So, not only did I look out of place with the dancing, I didn't match the "uniform."
At 8:15ish, they began the part I knew I could do! Phew! I was the second to read for Polly, but I had to do the scene with Tony and Peter-Pedro (His name is Pedro, but so many people call him Peter that this is what he is called, now). Polly is very funny, but it was kind of a serious scene, and yes, Lynette Brown had to say a few words that she really just doesn't. Good times. It's a strange scene, because Bobby is being his playful, funny self, Polly is very upset, and Zangler is just confused. Tony was serious through the whole thing, which I feel kind of threw off the chemistry. I did my best, which is all they could ask for. Me, too.
They also had me read a scene which only one group did. They had a new girl named Michelle read Irene (I honestly think she'll get it), Bubba read for Bobby, and I read for Bobby's mother! Well, I got laughs then. Playing a domineering, aristocratic mother of a guy less than ten years younger than me? A part I wouldn't get to sing at all with? Apparently, other people thought it was great, and said they thought I could play it! Gee. Where do I sign up? Sorry, that people irritation popping up again.
An hour or so later, the 10 of us females called back for anything sang "Someone to Watch Over Me." I felt like I did a decent job on it. But there were only about 3 who I wasn't overly impressed with. Drat! I stuck around and listened to others read. Marcus reading for anything was hysterical. I liked Caitlyn (Mrs. Potts) in her reading. Janina did a good job. I really don't know what to expect from this. I normally can walk out, and be able to "call" who got what. I would say that Michelle is the only one who stood out as the one I could "call" after last night. If I were to cast it, I would cast Marcus as Bobby, Jen (the one I called Space Age Barbie when she was a fork during BATB) as Polly, Michelle as Irene, and I cannot say who else for anything. It'll be interesting to read the cast list on Friday.
So, tonight will be insane. These callbacks are going to be completely absurd. I think there are about 15 of us called back just for Tzeitel, the oldest daughter! I haven't a clue about the other four daughters, Golde, Yente, Tevye, Motel, Percheik, Fyedka, the Russians, etc. It's going to be a loooooooong night. Sigh.
The title comes from a song from the thirties, and it was used in Swing.
Anyway, last night. Ugh. Callbacks started at 6. I got home around 10. The first thing we did was the dance audition. Lynette doesn't tap. The last time she did was in Anything Goes, which was exactly ten years ago. Yup, been awhile. The dance audition took about 2 hours. I think I moved at the right times, if that says anything. "Ball change, slide, pas das res, lean. Ball change, slide, pas das res, lean.Chaussey, chaussey, pivot, pivot. Chaussey round 1-2-3-4-5 out, out, in. Falep, falep, falep, falep, heel, heel. Falep, falep, falep, falep, heel, heel. Falep, falep, heel, heel. Falep, falep, heel, heel. Falep 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8, heel, heel. Falep 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-2-2-3-4-5-6-7 heel, heel. Step, ball change, step, ball change, step! Paddle, paddle, paddle, step clap, step, clap! Falep, falep, falep, step, clap, step, clap! Paddle in, out, in, out, all the way around 1-2-3-4! Out, falep, out, and up with the hands!!!!!!!!!" Thank you, Gina. (I think I spelled things correctly). Doing this, in general was difficult. Doing it in time with the "I've Got Rhythm" number from the Crazy for You CD was hellish. Then, I had to dance romantically with Chris Withey (my drunken "Gaston" partner). "Chaussey in and out. Two chausseys to the other side! Turn under, waltz for 8 counts, promenade around, ball change, shuffle hop, ball change, shuffle, hop and lean!" This one was easier, and we did it to "But Not for Me." It was actually kind of soothing compared to the madness from before.
Oh, and did I mention that I had missed some instructions from the auditions? Yeah, apparently they said it after I left. Each girl was to wear black fishnets, black leotard, and character shoes. That's all for the dance audition! I was wearing my character shoes, luckily, but that was all of the ensemble. So, not only did I look out of place with the dancing, I didn't match the "uniform."
At 8:15ish, they began the part I knew I could do! Phew! I was the second to read for Polly, but I had to do the scene with Tony and Peter-Pedro (His name is Pedro, but so many people call him Peter that this is what he is called, now). Polly is very funny, but it was kind of a serious scene, and yes, Lynette Brown had to say a few words that she really just doesn't. Good times. It's a strange scene, because Bobby is being his playful, funny self, Polly is very upset, and Zangler is just confused. Tony was serious through the whole thing, which I feel kind of threw off the chemistry. I did my best, which is all they could ask for. Me, too.
They also had me read a scene which only one group did. They had a new girl named Michelle read Irene (I honestly think she'll get it), Bubba read for Bobby, and I read for Bobby's mother! Well, I got laughs then. Playing a domineering, aristocratic mother of a guy less than ten years younger than me? A part I wouldn't get to sing at all with? Apparently, other people thought it was great, and said they thought I could play it! Gee. Where do I sign up? Sorry, that people irritation popping up again.
An hour or so later, the 10 of us females called back for anything sang "Someone to Watch Over Me." I felt like I did a decent job on it. But there were only about 3 who I wasn't overly impressed with. Drat! I stuck around and listened to others read. Marcus reading for anything was hysterical. I liked Caitlyn (Mrs. Potts) in her reading. Janina did a good job. I really don't know what to expect from this. I normally can walk out, and be able to "call" who got what. I would say that Michelle is the only one who stood out as the one I could "call" after last night. If I were to cast it, I would cast Marcus as Bobby, Jen (the one I called Space Age Barbie when she was a fork during BATB) as Polly, Michelle as Irene, and I cannot say who else for anything. It'll be interesting to read the cast list on Friday.
So, tonight will be insane. These callbacks are going to be completely absurd. I think there are about 15 of us called back just for Tzeitel, the oldest daughter! I haven't a clue about the other four daughters, Golde, Yente, Tevye, Motel, Percheik, Fyedka, the Russians, etc. It's going to be a loooooooong night. Sigh.
The title comes from a song from the thirties, and it was used in Swing.
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