Wow it's been a long time! Certainly this was not my intent. I just . . . ah, who even knows. So I'm back for now. Hopefully this time will be better.
I've been going through a lot of hard changes in my life this year, but they've been directly affecting other people and I'm a casualty of said hard changes (for the most part). I don't like it at all. I hate seeing people I love and who mean a lot to me going through so much pain. I don't like that I go through so much pain along with them. This rough wave has been hitting me pretty hard lately in terms of my perception. It's been getting pretty sour and I'm not going to lie, I'm not handling it altogether that well Prayer has been what gets me through these things.
One of the weirdest side effects is the fact that every time I go to church anymore I seem to cry. Or I feel like crying. I'm not sure what it is about church that gets my waterworks going but there it is. I've been making sure that when I go I can sit with family, Natalee, or Kristen. I don't always love going by myself, but I have in the past. Now I can't seem to do it. I wish I knew what the reason was because I'm fine everywhere else. Usually. Even at home I seem to do okay, for the most part. I can't say I'm loving this newfound sensitivity. Perhaps I'm literally crying out to God. I don't know, but I feel weird doing it. Not because I feel uncomfortable crying in church, but because it's all the time!
So here I sit, trying to make sense of my newest quirk. I can tell you that it's not endearing. It's awkward. I hoped seeing it typed out would help, but apparently it's not going to.
The title comes from the song "Confession" from Les Miserables, and it is perhaps my favorite line in the show.
