While I sadly have no plans to visit anywhere soon, even New Jersey, I am thrilled with the fact that I get a full two week break from grad school. Nothing hangs over my head. I don't mentally need to prepare for anything. It's almost making me giddy! :) I have not had a real two week break since the program began. I mean, I get two weeks off for Christmas, but that was in the middle of a class, so it didn't really count! I have enjoyed week one, so it's time to salvage what I have left and get 'r done!
I sometimes wonder if the program I'm in is worth it. I'm not particularly passionate about the subject. I signed on for it when I still taught at the alternative high school, and it was much more pertinent, applicable, and my time was much more available. But then I remind myself it's only a little more than 14 months away, and I've spent all this money, etc. I just don't know if it's worth it to me. Perhaps a program I cared more about, yes, but I don't know if this is it. I should figure it out soon, because if not, I'm stressing a TON about an Action Research Project and paper that is due at the end of the spring. I don't like the idea of quitting, nor do I like the idea of having spent all this money on books and tuition, etc. However if I feel somewhat apathetic about the whole ordeal, that's making the process harder too, and possibly not worth the trouble. Please send me advice, those of you with grad school experience. I really am stuck and don't know what to do. At all. It sucks!!!
I keep planning out things I want to do; after grad school is over. Things like teaching overseas. Doing more plays. Reading for long lengths of time because I can. Sigh. Well, here's an example: Last summer when I spent my 10 hours in NYC I had a ball. I love New York so much! Anyway, my friends said, "Why don't you spend the summer here? You could get a job working at a theatre as an usher, or a dresser or something. We'd help, and you could stay with us!" I'm still dazzled by this idea and really want to do it! I want to go out there and just live. I get paid through the summer. Perhaps I could FINALLY make it up to PEI and visit all of Anne's haunting grounds. I looked at my summer class schedule and it looks like it's a doozy. Is it worth it? I mean really. I honestly don't know if I could really get a chance to experience living in New York over the summer if I'm tied down with tons of classes that honestly do not sound even remotely interesting to me.
So I throw this question out to the masses. Should I bother? Really and truly bother with the rest of this program that really doesn't stir any excitement up in me anymore. I mean, it's interesting, but I don't know if my stubbornness to continue in such a program for the sake of not being a quitter really cuts it for me. But then what? When do I get a masters? Are all programs like this? HELP!!!
The title comes from the song "Atlantic City" from Ragtime, which (along with Les Miserables) is my favorite musical.
6 comments:
I don't know, but if you decide to go to PEI, let me know because I would seriously --I mean, SERIOUSLY-- consider meeting you up there.
Wow, Lynette, you sound like me. :)
I think I'm going to quit my current graduate program. I actively despise it, though, as opposed to having just lost interest. But the thought of quitting something kind of makes me sick.
Library grad school was a lot of work and was stressful and hard at times, but I never stopped really wanting it. I wanted to be a librarian, and that was what I had to do to get there, so I never questioned whether or not I should continue. This is completely different. I don't really want it; it would just be sort of nice to have.
It's so hard to strike a balance between preparing for tomorrow without giving up living today. I used to have nightmares towards the end of library school that the day before my last final, I would be hit by a bus. My life would end just when it was supposed to FINALLY start after 22 years of preparation.
Aw, poor Kelly. I have some wretched grad school dreams too. There's one where I'm sitting around the table at a seminar, and the topic of the conversation is Why Devon Is Not Smart Enough To Be in This Class. Everyone chimes in cheerfully with reasons--all the other students, the professor--while I just sit at my seat and sob. :)
So, yes, Lynette. Let's plan (and save... and save and save...).
Thanks you two! I haven't had the same nightmares, but I have no doubt they can come. It cheers me to know you both felt those ways--that my fears are shared.
And yay for a fun plan this summer!!!
Oh Lynette, I have not forgotten our PEI dreams, and I was looking on that Couch Surfing website, where you hook up with people and sleep on their couches for free when you travel somewhere. I totally think we should do it. Go to www.couchsurfing.com and do a search for Charlottetown, PEI. Staying with a local... for free... Adventure. High Jinks. It doesn't get any better than that.
Let's keep the dream alive!
Ok, well, my sister just got engaged this weekend, so I have to wait and find out when the wedding is and plan around it. :) It will definitely be this summer some time.
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